In the sentence ‘How to go first even when you know ___________, the blank space may be filled by one or more of the following phrases:
I’m going to be judged (again)
Voices may be raised against me
Tears may flow, and I may feel awkward
I’m worried some people may resign and that it’s my fault
I’m worried some people may see through me
My message is not an easy one to share and is one of the following:
there are no bonuses this year,
we are having to consider reducing headcount,
we are postponing promotions until next year
hiring is frozen until further notice
travel is frozen until further notice
training is cancelled until further notice,
we didn’t win the business
we didn’t get the funding
we’re not funding biscuits for meetings anymore
we’re not funding workplace events this year
we’re closing the office
we’re shutting the business down
we’re putting people who are not performing/you on performance improvement plans
we’ve increased our sales revenue targets by X for this year
we’ve banned overtime until further notice
we’re not recruiting anyone next quarter
we’ve decided we don’t want to continue working with you
we need to work over the weekend to complete the bid on time
we’re benching the following people/you from the programme/project
we’re replacing the following people/you on the programme/project
your co-leading on the day just wasn’t working for me, I’m afraid. You didn’t get the job
you’re going to be put on a performance improvement plan (PIP)
you need to be at the client’s office at 8 am on Monday (the client's office is in LA)
we need you to be onsite and available through system cutover or go live for the next 2 weeks
I’m reasonably certain that all of us have either delivered or been the receiver of at least one of these difficult messages.
[There’s a reason Why Zebra’s Don’t Get Ulcers you know!]
The question is, how do you prepare yourself to deliver these kinds of messages with compassion?
In the past, I’ve sat on conference calls where the message has been crafted as a script by HR and Legal to avoid any local legal requirements. The script is then recited by the most senior person available to the online audience. In spite of their best attempts, the message is cold, robotic, and devoid of compassion and empathy.
How To Practice
Block time in your calendar to rehearse starting the conversation
What enabling structures and support need to be in place for this conversation to take place?
Write down all the reactions and questions you are reasonably certain will ‘in the room’
Write down how you will speak to each of those reactions
Write down how you will answer ‘curveball’ questions, ones you don’t expect/can’t answer
Decide how you will deal with strong emotional reactions such as anger
Assess ‘what’s the worst that can happen’ as a result of starting this conversation both in the moment and in the aftermath
Take soundings from trusted mentors or your coach before having the conversation
Make an audit of what triggers you and what is most likely to trigger you in the room.
Identify what support you will need from who is in the room at the moment(s) when you are triggered. If you need support, ask for it prior to the conversation
Decide how you will model psychological safety with others involved in the conversation
Decide how you will model vulnerability with others involved in the conversation
Our modern-day word, leader, comes from the old English word læden, which means "cause to go with oneself; march at the head of, go before as a guide, accompany and show the way.”
Going first isn’t easy, but it is what leading is all about, and it’s what we sign up for. The question becomes how will you deliver your difficult message with compassion and empathy.
What would you add to the list from your own practical experiences?